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How to Help Your Child Apply to College

Applying to college is stressful! Here are some tips for how to help your child apply to college, from choosing a school to using the process to build your relationships with your child instead of creating tension.

Learn how to help your teen apply to college, from choosing a school to providing the right support at the right time.

How to Help Your Teen Apply to College

I learned most of the tips in this post from more experienced parents as I was helping my own child through the college application process, so be sure to ask people you know as well as reading through these tips! Please also share any tips you think I should add to this post.

Note: I’m a huge believer in letting teens be as independent in this process are they are able. So some children will do most (or even all!) of this on their own, while others will want and need more parental hand holding. If your child can do this all on their own, I say let them! But, for the many teens who need support, here are a few tips.

Step1: Record College Essay Worthy Moments

This is a tip another mom gave me, and it is brilliant!

As soon as your child starts high school, have them start a record of meaningful moments in their lives. These don’t have to be big moments; just emotionally impactful experiences.

If possible, write mini essays about each moment right after it happens. By the time they get to high school, your child will have a wonderful collection of meaningful moments that they can pick and choose from to craft their college essays.

Sometimes teens are busy, so it’s also okay for you as their parent to keep a list of ideas of things that they could write about. But, the more your child runs this themselves, the better their essay writing will go when it is time to apply. So, encourage independence (this is a theme you’ll see me repeat over and over!)

Step 2: Ask for Recommendation Letters Early

This is another tip I got from other parents: ask for recommendation letters early. High school teachers, coaches, and mentors get asked to write a LOT or recommendation letters, which they are often not even compensated for. If your child asks early (maybe even spring of junior year), their recommendation letters will get prioritized. You want these letters written before the letter writers are burned out.

On this same note, teens should always thank their recommendation letter writers. It’s a lot of work!

Step 3: Make a List of Schools

Your teen needs to make a list of schools they are interested in sometime during their junior year.

Things to Consider When Making Your College List

  • Don’t be afraid of applying to expensive schools. You’ll be amazed at how much financial aid is out there.
  • Include at least one genuine safety school on your list.
  • Don’t get too distracted by college rankings. Ultimately, teens do well at universities where they feel safe and supported. Also, a lot of the most famous schools focus on research, which is more important at the graduate school level. The professors these schools hire also tend to focus on research, and your child might do better at an undergraduate school that emphasizes teaching over research. They can go to the big research schools if they decide to continue on to graduate school.
  • Now, if your child already knows something they want to research, the big research schools might be their thing. But the teaching schools sometimes offer amazing undergraduate research opportunities, so don’t discount them just because your child is considering a future in research.

Step 4: Visit Schools (Virtually if Needed)

If possible, visit schools you are interested in in person. If that doesn’t work, there are lots of virtual school visit options. PragmaticMom has some great college visit posts on her site, and you’ll find all sorts of videos on YouTube. A lot of college undergrads post about going to school on their social media, too, offering a great behind the scenes look at what to expect.

Things to Look For When Visiting A College Campus

  • Atmosphere. Don’t go to a big school if you don’t like that big school vibe.
  • School priorities. Where are they spending their money? Do the school’s values align with yours?
  • Food and housing. What housing and dining options does each school offer? If your child has allergies or food limitations, can the school accommodate them?
  • Safety. How does the college secure their campus? What supports do they offer to students to promote on campus safety?
  • Educational programming. Is your child locked into the major they thought they wanted when they applied? Are there research and other mentoring opportunities for undergraduates? How about a study abroad program? Do these programs involve extra expenses, or are they included in the cost of tuition?
Tips for helping your child apply to college, from choosing a school to providing the right support at the right time.

Step 5: Get Organized

My teen was super organized with college applications, and it made life a lot less stressful. Here are a few things you want to make sure you have organized before you start:

  • Application deadlines, including early action and early decision (see my note on the difference between the two below).
  • Essay requirements.
  • Application fees. Financial aid is sometimes available, if application fees are a financial hardship.
  • Research for each school whether applying early increases your chances of getting in or not. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t.
  • Look at stats on students who get into the schools your child is applying to. This can help you avoid spending time and money applying to schools that are unlikely to be a good fit.
  • Make sure your child is signed up to take any required tests (usually SAT or ACT).

Applying Early Action vs Early Decision

Some schools let you apply early, and sometimes applying early means you have a higher chance of getting in. But make sure you know what you are committing to by learning the difference between Early Action and Early Decision.

  • Early Action often increases your chances of getting into a school, but you aren’t committed to going to the school. Having an early action acceptance letter removes some of the stress of applying, since it means you know you have somewhere to go. but you aren’t committed to going there. Note that colleges can rescind these early offers if senior year grades drop, so students do still need to keep studying and working hard.
  • If you apply early decision, you are committing to going to the school if you get in. Only apply early decision if you are positive that you want to go to that school, and you are positive that you can pay to go to that school.

Step 6: Write, Edit, Repeat

Students need plenty of time to write, edit, and rewrite essays. Don’t leave this until the last moment. Encourage your child to read and share their essay with different people for feedback. They may or may not want you reading their essays. Don’t worry about that so long as they have someone reading them.

Step 7: Submit

It’s time to submit applications! Make sure all pieces of the application are submitted, from transcripts to essays to recommendation letters, and those application fees.

Step 8 (if needed): Recover From Disappointments

If you are very lucky, you can skip this step. But college rejection letters are pretty normal, and feeling sad about them is a normal part of being a high school senior. Let your child grieve a dream that didn’t happen, then help them move on to the next school.

Step 9:Visit Schools Again (virtually works if in person isn’t possible!)

Once your child gets into schools, visiting can be helpful in making decisions! If you are able to visit in person, that is great. But if not, there is a lot you can learn online. My child also used social media accounts of the different schools as well as students who had been admitted to help decide which school she wanted to attend.

If possible speak with people who graduated from the schools your child is considering, especially recent graduates. Learn about their experience. What did they like? What did they dislike? Would they choose this school again if they were to travel back in time?

Step 10: Choose your School!

Now it’s time to commit to a school! Don’t be surprised if your child ends up committing to a different school from the one they were dreaming of when all of this started, or a different school from the one you would have chosen for them. There are a lot of amazing schools, and you can get a great education anywhere if you feel motivated to learn.

What tips would you add to this post on how best to support your child through the college application process?

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MaryAnne at Mama Smiles

MaryAnne is a craft loving educator, musician, photographer, and writer who lives in Silicon Valley with her husband Mike and their four children.

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