My husband Mike being his own unique self at age three!
My bullying post has had me thinking about what a parenting challenge it is to teach kids that it is okay to be different – especially since, honestly, it’s pretty hard to be different as a parent, too, sometimes! Then we discovered David Shannon’s book, A Bad Case of Stripes when we were picking out books from the library for this month’s Virtual Book Club and I knew it was something I wanted to write about.
How to Teach Kids That It’s Okay to Be Different
How do you teach your kids that it’s okay to be different? Here are a few things we’re working on in our house:
- Be okay with the things that make you quirky as a person. Or, if you aren’t okay with your quirks, be open about that and talk about how you are trying to change.
- Be okay with the things that make your child quirky. If the quirks are things that are holding them back, find gentle ways to help them work through their weaknesses.
- Be okay with the things that make other people around you quirky. Try to put yourself in their shoes.
- Get to know your child. Find out what makes them happy, what makes them sad. What scares them? What makes them laugh so hard their belly aches?
- If being different is making a child sad, take time to listen. Don’t pretend that the differences don’t exist, and resist the temptation to say that they are insignificant. To your child, they are very real.
- Be open about the fact that we all have things that make us feel different, lonely, or left out sometimes.
What would you add to this list? You can find more books by this month’s author, David Shannon, and activities to go with them in the linky below!
MaryAnne is a craft loving educator, musician, photographer, and writer who lives in Silicon Valley with her husband Mike and their four children.
Thank you for sharing such an important message to our children that we like you just for you. Just shared your post and awesome thread on the Virtual Book Club facebook page! Thanks for hosting the Virtual Book Club, it’s so much fun seeing your thoughtful ideas each month!
Thank you for sharing this on the Facebook page!
We love that Todd Parr book It’s Ok To Be Different.
That’s a great one – thanks for reminding me of it!
Find the ways that your child likes to be different. Figure out together why some differences are ‘good’, and some are embarrassing. There often isn’t a very big difference between an embarrassing difference and a difference that you are proud of, sometimes the same things on different days. I think reflecting on that with your children can be valuable.
This is brilliant. Thank you, Katherine!
Lovely words! Such great advice and a good reminder for all of us!
And your husband’s photo is adorable!!!!
I adore this picture of him :)
We’re fairly quirky here at our house, so we’re good with that aspect, but I wasn’t always ok with it as a kid. I’m working on making sure my kids are ok with themselves, and it usually works, but Princess is my sensitive soul……….. And oh the complications of her…..
It is really hard for the super sensitive kids…
Great topic, I appreciate the subtly in your bullets! I try to praise my kids when they do things that make them stand out in a positive way.
That’s a great tip!
I love this post MaryAnne and I agree that the first step is accepting our own quirkiness so that our children can accept theirs because let’s face it there is really no such thing as “normal” when it comes to people.
Exactly! My mom was pretty good at accepting her quirks, and it has had such a positive impact on my own life.
LOVE that picture of Mike!!!! :)
At my house we talk a lot about how it doesn’t make a person better or worse if they look a certain way (giving lots of specific examples such as feeding tubes, colour of skin, age spots, missing teeth, etc), because although people look at the outside appearance, God looks at the heart, and that’s what we should be looking for, too. Also, we talk about how God doesn’t make mistakes when he creates people, God loves each person He created, and we should love them, too, because God does. We also discuss how it’s ok when people make difference choices, decisions, and even mistakes. God gives us the freedom to choose, and He helps us when we mess up. All we have to do is ask.
I warn my children (from my own experience) that it’s often not easy to do the right thing and be kind to someone or run away from temptation, but that the rewards of following God’s ways are much greater than anything this world has to offer: popularity, approval, etc.
Writing this out makes me realise how much my views about God affect how I think and try to teach my children to think about people.
I love that you are teaching your children that it isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
The teaching takes place in the home. If we expect the schools to do it – well, we have the situation we are in now. You teach by example.
We are sort of the odd ones out – just because we are African American in a very uniformly white community. I am constantly reinforcing to the kids how beautiful they are and the important role we have in bringing diversity to the community.
One book, that I love (for our situation) is the Skin You Live In. I just love that book. My Mother bought it for the kids – and I just love reading it.
I will have to look for that book! Thanks for telling me about it.
Oh, I love this! What a great post. I think it’s so true that we have to model acceptance (of ourselves and others) if we expect our children to do the same. And great point about taking their anxieties seriously – it doesn’t help to belittle what they are feeling!
I love something that someone told me one time… Be fully you because being you is awesome.
Love that.
My 12 year old does plays through our city’s rec center and I find all the drama kids to be a great example of being different. They really put themselves out there with acting and I feel it helps Emry be less afraid to try new things.
Drama really helped me with this as a kid.
I love that my kids go to a school which purposefully teaches kids to respect differences. I learn so much from the kids there – they are teaching me about how good it is to be unique!
That is fantastic!
I think that encouraging children to value difference is essential, though I’m not entirely sure how to teach that. I kinda hate going to school events with my kids because I’m the odd parent out. I’m 32 and being different still hurts sometimes. I think our culture places too much value on sameness and doesn’t celebrate diversity enough. This is compounded by a religious culture that places a very high value on sameness. Sigh.
I’m just shocked that being 32 makes you the odd parent out! I’m guessing that means you’re older than most? How old is your oldest child? I grew up in America, but as a mum I have lived in Europe and Australia. In these places I gave birth just a little younger than the average, having become a mum for the first time at age 30. Celebrate your wisdom!! :)
I think your experience is one reason it is – in some ways – easier to raise children in a more diverse setting.
You have some great thoughts here. Encouraging children to be their own unique selves is a real gift to them, I think.